Jimmy the Geek Speaks: Property of Disney

I would be the first to admit that in these articles, I’ve been a little pessimistic about things. That’s changing this week. This week we are all about the possibilities. We’re focusing on the good things that could happen (no, really!).

About a year ago, Disney aquired Lucasfilm. This was a good thing. Having aquired Marvel in the past and making one of last year’s biggest hit movies with it, it’s safe to assume these guys somewhat know what they’re doing. If we have some competent people at the helm, the inevitable new Star Wars movies (by far Lucasfilm’s most well known property) might actually repair some of the damage that has been done to that particular franchise. Naturally everyone is already panicking that Disney will “ruin” Star Wars, while lining up to see it on release day and forgetting the fact that the worst thing that COULD happen to Star Wars already has. However, Star Wars is just a slice of the Lucas Pie. I'd like to open up your mind to the other possibilities that are just, well, sitting there in the Lucas vault.

How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

The first one, I’m kinda surprised I was the first to think of because in my mind, it’s obvious. Picture the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Captain Jack Sparrow is running away from a bunch of natives with spears. He’s on a quest for a (quite large) voodoo priestess who needs some kind of Zombie Root. As he turns and looks behind him, SMACK! He runs straight into a lanky, blonde haired pirate. “And who might you be, mate?” Johnny Depp swaggers in his trademark Keith Richards impersonation. To which the blonde guy responds “I’m Guybrush Threepwood, Mighty Pirate!”.

The implications of that would be huge! Imagine Stan the Used Ship Salesman cutting a deal with Barbossa for Jack’s soul. Imagine Keira Knightley insult-swordfighting with Elaine Marley! IMAGINE THE SCUMM BAR IN THE RIDE! And this is just the obvious one. After I thought about it for a few days, I figured out a BUNCH of great things that could happen.

Kingdom Hearts HD 2.5 Remix

Kingdom Hearts HD 2.5 Remix

I mean, without even thinking about movies, let’s just think about games. Kingdom Hearts. Sora needs to bring Aerith back from the dead (you know, so her death in FF7 can be even MORE robbed of it’s emotional value). Naturally, the only way to do this is to go to The Land of The Dead to get her back. In my mind, the Land of the Dead is an amazing mashup of mexican and art deco styles, populated by Day of The Dead-style skeletons. I’m seeing giant but mostly benevolent spirits, 20’s nightclubs and a balloon animal Robert Frost. I’m seeing this because I remember Grim Fandango very VERY well.

Can you imagine Sora getting help to rescue Aerith through Rubacava from Manny Calavera and Glottis? Hell, Imagine Sephiroth going all One-Winged-Angel with a giant scythe in front of Manny, and having him deliver a killer one-liner like “That’s not a scythe, THIS is a scythe!” or “compensating for something Blondie?” That would be my game of the year, right there!

Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis

Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis

The amount of stuff that is possible here is mind blowing. Imagine The Polecats from Full Throttle racing Lightning McQueen. A corner of the themeparks devoted to The Dig? A theatrical release of Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis! Hell, for a lot of people, remastering and releasing the SCUMM games collection would make Disney heroes forever. I am still not quite sure why so many people are focusing on Star Wars. And they aren’t even focusing on the interesting things that could be done. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for new Star Wars, there’s just so much else to be excited about. I mean, even WITHIN Star Wars, who WOULDN’T watch Darth Vader and Buzz Lightyear fight?

I, personally, am hoping for a reboot/remastering/recreation/reinvention of one of my all time favourite franchises. Maniac Mansion. I’m sure most of you already know this game, but for those of you who don’t, it was a quirky adventure game about breaking and entering a mad scientist’s house to rescue your girlfriend. To this day I haven’t seen a game with this much character. Each playable character had their own unique personality, each of the villains could be won over to your side, the big bad was a giant purple meteor and the sequel, well, imagine Looney Tunes plus Monkey Island divided by Time Travel. It’s one of the best games ever and nobody has done anything (official anyway) with the franchise since.

Maniac Mansion

Maniac Mansion

Disney has proven, through The Avengers alone, that it is more than capable of keeping other people’s properties afloat. So, Star Wars isn’t going to be as bad as you think it is, and the company has no shortage of other material to draw from. This was a nice article to write. I didn’t even get that angry!

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Author Bio:

Comedian,
IT Guy,
Once a Reality TV Somebody,
Now just a big kid who loves video games, and the telling people about them.

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