Welcome to Player Attack!
The last time we reviewed a Transformers game we were left floundering like a flounder out of batter. MMMmmm... cricket. What? Oh, right. So anyway, we’re now making up for that lowlight via a super-special world exclusive event* – the first ever transforming games review*!
But first, some blahedy-blah to distract you from skipping straight to our jaw-dropping, skull-scalloping world exclusive*...
That last time we had no knowledge of the boy-toy phenomenon, save for an ability to flippity-floddop from doing the robot to doing the truck, car, Dyson – whatever. So, this time we thought we’d be prepared and, as we did with stuff like Bakugan and Pokémon, bring kids in to lend a knowledgeable air to proceedings.
Unfortunately – at least for the sake of informed reviewage - the only young boy available was little James S. He’s the awesomest munchkin ever, but he’s only five weeks old; his hands are too widdle to gwasp a contwolly-wolly and he was too busy emitting Mr Snuffleupagus-like snortles from sleepybobos land to concentrate. Drat!
So, you’re stuck with us. But the payoff’s coming. Woo!
A prequel to the identically awkwardly-named film, Transformers: Dark of the Moon is basically the last game, Transformers: War for Cybertron – tromp about cruisin’ for a robo-bruisin’ - save for two main distinctions. This one’s a film tie-in, and there’s super-funky new inbetweener ‘stealth force’ abilities. Say you’re the yellow car and you dig the speedy movement but crave serious firepower. You can partway transform, keeping up velocitationality whilst whomping those Decepticon suckers all to robot hell.
Ultimately, diehards’ll dig, but if you’re just greasing your toes in the world of Rubik’s-like robots then grab the last one.
Now, the payoff – click here to activate the world’s first ever transforming games review*! Woo! Yeah! Woo! Yeah!
* Possibly complete bullshit.
This review originally appeared on gamesblip:
Kinda like 'blipverts' in Max Headroom,
but not as seizure-inducing.
(Reprinted with permission)
Pop culture nutter who plays lots of games and scribbles often barely intelligible nonsense about them in hope of avoiding becoming The Simpsons cat lady.
Jimmy the Geek